A Translation of Der Ignorant und der Wahnsinnige by Thomas Bernhard

The Ignoramus and the Madman

The fairy tale is a thoroughly musical genre.

                                                            Novalis

Dramatis Personae

QUEEN OF THE NIGHT

FATHER

DOCTOR

MRS VARGO

WINTER THE WAITER

At the Opera

The queen of the night’s dressing room

A vanity table

To the left and the right of the table an unupholstered chair

The father is sitting in the right chair, the doctor in the left one

A clothes rack

DOCTOR with a small stack of newspapers

Listen

to what’s been written about the premiere

we’re dealing with

an immortal work

a genius etcetera

The father, almost blind, with blind person's armbands and a white cane, takes a sip from a bottle of spirits

Your daughter’s voice

supremely perfect on the one hand

immaculate on the other

and her technique

every other word is the word authentic

every third word is the word celebrated

Here

the word coloratura machine

tosses a newspaper on to the vanity table

There

the word phenomenal

the phrase first-class intonation

tosses a newspaper on to the vanity table

the phrase vocal substance twelve times

the word stupendous ninety times

an excellent role

What we hear

are you listening

is nothing but artsy twittering

what we see

a puppet-show

The father takes a sip from his bottle

May I remind you

that you have been drinking continuously

since eleven ’o clock this morning

Naturally you have reasons for doing so

naturally

on the one hand are you listening

symptoms of fatigue in the revenge aria

not a single symptom of fatigue in the revenge aria

on the other hand

one must first of all

check the blood count

but until

I have the results of all the tests

on the one hand hurricane-force

the applause

appreciative on the other hand

overwhelming are you listening

in the revenge aria by emphatic

or

by stimulating penetration

if as I said

the red corpuscles are at a most terrifying rate

diminishing

while on the other hand the white ones are

at a most terrifying rate increasing

on the one hand the science of medicine has made

enormous strides

on the other hand for the past five hundred years it has been

standing still

we aren’t talking about a science

when we talk about medicine my dear sir

are you listening

what a staccato

FATHER

What a staccato

DOCTOR discards the newspapers

Always the same rubbish

a man like me is invariably disgusted by

the cornucopia of sentiment offered up daily

by the popular press

rises and paces up and down

Are you listening my dear sir

one cautiously pushes the hemispheres

apart

back

do you understand

so that the so-called girder the corpus callosum

is exposed to view

next one pulls with one’s left hand mark my words

at the upper

exterior of the left hemisphere

and cuts

with the point of the cerebral scalpel

FATHER

With the point of the cerebral scalpel

DOCTOR

into

the upper part of the corpus callosum

the word precision isn’t just a word

my dear sir

and thereby opens

with the greatest expediency

the cella media of the lateral ventricle

of which I have already spoken

one takes note of its contents

normally cerebrospinal fluid

occasionally also my dear sir

blood

from hemorrhaging of the ventricle

FATHER

From hemorrhaging of the ventricle

DOCTOR

The hemisphere is raised

and reveals the posterior and anterior horns

the same as on the other side

do you see

with the thumb and index finger of the right hand

one guides the cerebral scalpel

cutting downward

carefully

very carefully my dear sir

all the way to the so-called foramina of Monro

slices through the Corpus callosum and the fornix

and peels them back

The father rests both hands on his knees, pulls the armbands down [on to his forearms]

Next one dips the scalpel

in water

because a dry scalpel

has the unfortunate tendency to occlude

one’s view of the sectional planes

the scalpel must during the dissection of the brain

be rinsed as often as possible

next one cuts at a forty-five degree angle

through the basal ganglia

taking care all the while

to avoid the so-called small-brain or cerebellar

hemisphere

The father takes a sip from his bottle

The difficult question to be answered

is whether to recommend institutionalization

or not

on the one hand in institutions there have been mark my words

extraordinary successes

but also complete failures

on the other hand

Are you listening

Vis-à-vis cases of edema of marbleizing

of the basal ganglia

my dear sir

one’s attention is naturally always of the acutest

one’s attention

as well as one’s resolution

as well as one’s inconsideration

all three of these are incessantly indispensable

so as I said

areas of washed-out clear tissue

alternating with reddish areas

The scission of blood vessels necessitated

on such cases may induce blood dots

but the dots may easily be clarified with the scalpel

in cases of congestion

a grayish-red cortex

numerous blood dots in the white matter

in cases of edema naturally

the blood dots

deliquesce

in other words disappear

FATHER

The blood dots disappear

DOCTOR

But in cases of encephalitis the blood is

necrotized

utterly necrotized

it has been expelled from the blood vessels

and is not amenable to clarification

The father takes a sip from his bottle

the impregnable certainty my dear sir

that your daughter’s influence on you

is effectively null

on the other hand you have on your daughter

not the slightest influence

Everything develops in such a fashion

as we are now witnessing

I find spirits repulsive

my dear sir

but I have not on a single occasion seen you

without a bottle

not once in the entire three years

in which I have known you

this much I know

you have been drinking for a full decade straight

and indeed ever since your daughter

made her first public appearance

you must admit

a colossal development

an utterly and totally astonishing development

when one reflects that your daughter’s voice

originally

showed not the faintest trace of good promise

without a doubt your daughter’s voice

is the work of the extraordinary Mr Keldorfer

of course it’s all a matter of

the raw material falling at the right time

into the right hands

and submitting at the right moment

to the right methods

not everybody has such improbable good fortune

all those majestic voices

my dear sir

who fall into treacherous hands

it’s insane

how hundreds of crafty singing teachers

especially in our academies my dear sir

ruin thousands of lovely voices

these people unscrupulously exploit voices

quite shamelessly squeeze out down to the last penny

the livelihoods of thousands of talents

the academies are inhabited by academic exploiters

are permeated for the most part by charlatanry

one singing teacher in two is a charlatan

my dear sir

or let us say that on the whole singing teachers

or vocal pedagogues as they call themselves

are charlatans

sits down

now one cuts through the Corpus callosum

and forces it mark my words to the left side

so that the pineal gland

behind the Commissura habenularum

is exposed to view

The father slips the armbands off his arms and sticks them in his pocket

we shall make a section of the cerebellum

one cautiously lifts

the cerebellum

thrusts one’s left hand mark my words

under the cerebellar hemisphere

and tips it slightly

rises and paces up and down

so as not to damage during the scission of the worm

either the so-called rhomboid fossa

or the lamina quadrigemina

one holds the scalpel

as if it were a violin bow

mimes the grip

FATHER

As if it were a violin bow

DOCTOR

Moistens it

and proceeds along the median sagittal plane

until one is gazing into the fastigius

as if into a gaping hole

FATHER

As if into a gaping hole

DOCTOR

Next one rotates the scalpel

and elongates the incision

both in front

and behind

next one meticulously inspects

the rhomboid fossa

my dear sir

at this moment one must above all else

be attentive

to changes in the so-called ependyma

sits down

one may already have noticed these in the lateral ventricle

but empirically speaking changes in the ependyma are

more pronounced

here

in the rhomboid fossa

The father takes a sip from his bottle

hence more easily applied to a diagnosis

your mode of living

is infectious

two hours of sleep the night before

and inordinately preoccupied

throughout the day

when one is as I am

engaged in a so-called scientific enterprise

one is not permitted to indulge in such excesses

on the other hand the idea of letting oneself go exerts

an incredible fascination

naturally your insomnia is bound up with

your mental condition

and your mental condition

is the consequence of this decades-old

unnatural relationship

between you and your daughter

when two completely different characters

who also happen to be father and daughter

are together uninterruptedly

and each of the two is compelled to exist entirely

for himself alone

when I think that while your daughter is sleeping my dear sir

but of course I am obviously actually thinking

while your daughter’s voice is sleeping

her voice

invariably only her voice

while your daughter’s voice is sleeping

you are sitting around in taverns

on the other hand you have such a splendidly solid constitution

the very sort of constitution I lack

FATHER

You lack it

DOCTOR

One cuts into and along the broadest circumference

of the uppermost layer of the cerebellar hemisphere

through which a white medullary ray extends extremely far

all the way to the

surface

and inspects the cerebellar matter

above all my dear sir

the dentate nucleus of the cerebellum

one also proceeds accordingly on the other side

next one slams the brain shut

and rotates it

so that its base and the Medulla oblongata

are turned towards the dissector

next one goes below the cerebellum

one plunges

below it

and slices through the peduncle of the brain

sits down and looks at his watch

it is striking

that your daughter with every performance

arrives at an ever-later time

but in celerity

and consequently in spontaneity

there inheres the utmost concentration

this is not the first time

do you hear that the orchestra is already in the pit

and not a sign of your daughter

not a sign of

Mrs Vargo

The whole time I’m here I listen out

but I hear no footsteps

then

suddenly

I hear footsteps

and then everything happens with uncanny rapidity

before the performance a walk

down in the park

a foot-punishing walk

amid the flowerbeds my dear sir

which has become a ritual for her of late

The father takes a sip from his bottle

The dissector always moves along the right side

of the corpse

The head of the corpse must be supported by a wooden block

so that the skin of the throat is stretched taut

The skin of the upper throat area

my dear sir

may not be damaged

because the corpse must be kept presentable

for lying in state

FATHER

An inconsiderate child

an inconsiderate child

Haven’t you got at least tiny bit of influence over her

enough to make her

DOCTOR

One must come to terms with the fact

that an artistic creature

tends to render itself completely self-sufficient

it is generally no longer capable of coexisting

with others

members of its own family especially

but the rest of humanity as well

such a completely artistic creature

a human being that has been transformed into

a completely artistic creature

which in fact is no longer a human being at all

my dear sir

generally can no longer

see

anything outside itself

there is no longer anything

but me

such a creature says to itself

then

when it is completely isolated

and has isolated itself

cut itself off

exists conclusively for itself

one need no longer be afraid

my dear sir

one’s fear is completely superfluous

You will see she will walk in here at just

the right moment

and she will enter at exactly the right moment

exactly then

when you can no longer put up with it

and have racked your brains to pieces

so-called ordinary human beings

are always afraid of these creatures

my dear sir

human beings and these creatures are two distinct types of entity

and one of these creatures has only to

FATHER

It serves her father right

Her father who has yet

to see a penny

of what’s owed to him

DOCTOR

The worthwhileness of having such a creature

is indisputable

but the naivety of the crowd

is appalling

the crowd that disowns

the most artificial of all mechanisms

The father takes a sip from his bottle

Life or existence

these are no proper existential questions

my dear sir

But to wrestle with human psychology alone

is equally pointless

Life is a torture session

he who does not comprehend this

and platitudes

do nothing to ease the pain

and in fact only make it worse

has comprehended nothing

on the other hand it is

very much in frightening situations

that we come to ourselves

rises

the cartilageal scalpel is encircled by all five fingers

one holds the cartilageal scalpel

with all five fingers in one’s fist

and now executes the principal incision

from the Prominentia laryngea

to the symphysis

do you see

during which incision one veers slightly to the left

towards the area of the navel

my dear sir

The father turns on the loudspeaker [presumably some sort of monitor or intercom (DR)].  The din from the orchestra pit and the audience grows steadily louder from this point on

in the region of the sternum one presses forward with the incision

all the way to the periosteum

then the cross-section

and cuts through skin

hypodermal tissue et cetera

the anterior abdominal muscles along with the fascia

and presses forward cautiously to the Peritoneum parietale

so as not to damage the latter and the intestines within it

normally

clear serous fluid my dear sir

in pathological conditions my dear sir

the bulk of the fluid can infiltrate

the abdominal cavity

Ascites

FATHER

Ascites

DOCTOR

Which points towards a diagnosis of cirrhosis of the liver

cardiac congestion et cetera

or thrombosis of the portal vein

it can be present in various forms

peritonitis

a purulent

fibrous exudate

Hemaskos

Cholaskos

FATHER

Hemaskos

Cholaskos

DOCTOR

One surveys the Omentum maius

draws the latter away from the Taemia omentalis

of the Colon traversum

apron-esque mark my words

down into the pelvis

in inflammatory processes

in the abdominal cavity my dear sir

there may even be adhesions of the reticulum

the reticulum is warped in this direction

a completely warped reticulum

whence one may ascertain the nature of the outcome

One simply flings the reticulum upwards

and contemplates the situation of the abdominal organs

observes whether the lower liver is grossly distended

to the father while palpating his abdomen

down to here

to this spot

whether the intestinal loops are swollen to the bursting point

the lower stomach grossly distended

poking at his stomach

Gastroptopsis naturally

and whether the spleen is enlarged

looks at his watch

Lately she has been walking with gusto in the park

on the spur of the moment in the park

amid the twittering of the birds

do you understand

FATHER

Or she locks herself in her room

DOCTOR

You yourself say

this is a most peculiar ritual

FATHER

Which she never used to do

DOCTOR

In her room

FATHER

To the best of my knowledge

FATHER

With the curtains drawn

But as she herself says not

in order to study her part

quite the contrary by means of

the most varied self-devised stratagems

she distracts herself from her vocal part

pacing up and down

dictating into a tape recorder

she attends

to her correspondence

or she memorizes a passage from a play

she recites entire speeches from Lear

or more recently as I know for a fact

from Tasso

or she sits at the window and rests the palms of her hands

on the windowsill

with her eyes closed

my observations

my dear sir

naturally lead to apprehensions

FATHER

To apprehensions

to apprehensions

DOCTOR

Indeed to apprehensions

The fact is that your daughter has lately

undergone a most alarming change

she is no longer the same

the being we now behold

is an entirely different being

it is the antithesis of the one

that we still beheld a year ago

and yet because we are dealing with an artistic creature

it is also still the same

do you understand

on the one hand she is the same

on the other hand not

this is the great difficulty confronted

by the people around her

that they are dealing first and foremost with a voice

and to be sure a quite specific voice

that is one of the most celebrated

and in actual fact mark my words one of the most beautiful voices in existence

but that they are not dealing with a human being

this is naturally impossible for a father to comprehend

The father takes a sip from his bottle

The doctor sits down

an even greater

an even much greater degree of watchfulness my dear sir

and wariness too

is now advisable

because we are dealing with a perfect creature

housed in an undoubtedly headless subjectivity

The father slips the armbands back on with lightning speed

Enter Mrs Vargo with the crown.  She hangs it on the clothes rack, briefly lingers to look the father and then the doctor over with a reproachful, scrutinizing eye, and then exits 

naturally I ask myself

what kind of individual am I faced with

when I see this person

an excellent person undoubtedly

undoubtedly excellent

Mrs Vargo is undoubtedly a thoroughly

excellent person

See now my dear sir

you can set your mind at rest

Mrs Vargo has appeared

and it will not be long before your daughter arrives

this means that your daughter is already in the house

I realize that you regard the fact

that the crown is now hanging on the clothes rack

as a favorable omen

if we lacked the capacity to distract ourselves

my dear sir

we would have to admit

that we pretty much no longer existed

existence mark my words is invariably

distraction from existence

we exist only because

we distract ourselves from our existence

at first you kept your bottle hidden

then you tried to keep

your bottle hidden

then years ago you stopped making

this attempt

you drink

quite brazenly

and without the slightest scruples my dear sir

and what’s more in your daughter’s dressing room

straight from the bottle

and you are perfectly aware

that you are perpetually intoxicated

but this entertainment mechanism

is only benefited by this condition

one can without further ado

place a person like you in the custody of a science

granted

you have all the good qualities of an object

that is uncommonly useful to someone

in my position

which is in point of fact an excellent thing

if you hate a person

like Mrs Vargo

you gain nothing by it

these people are constantly observing

and make their observation into a pathological condition

from which they are no longer able to divorce themselves

because they are not masters of their own heads

they can be reached only

through surprise effects

by which I do not mean

external surprises

I am once again thinking about the head

but all these people vex themselves so much about it

and as if by way of emphasis they also invariably subsequently 

demonstrate that

they aren’t even wearing a head

hence naturally they pretty much

lack all power of judgment

You walk

now logically now illogically

as you walk

through a completely headless society

and carry history in its entirety in your back

for your entire life you literally

drag history behind you

and see before you mere blockheads not a single real head

and therefore incessantly worry about being

suddenly stricken by a thrombosis

if you picture to yourself the heads of everybody else

as a viscous stinking

or completely odorless mass

as a hydrocephalic mirror

so to speak

out of which [your] own head protrudes

and all the while this head is choking with nausea

by imagining such things the head can only ever summon up lunacy

and never prosperity my dear sir

Is such a head amid mere blockheads

not a pitiable state of affairs

the question every day is

by means of what trick

what new trick every day

am I to make it through the day

this is disgraceful and undoubtedly pathology-inducing

rises and paces up and down

Your daughter is extremely mercurial

also extremely subtle

in her development

terrifyingly so for the people around her

everything about her is different now

If only it were so simple

as recommending institutionalization

but there is no institution

that is recommendable

people are stuck into a course of treatment

for the purpose of rehabilitating them from their sickness

they submit to a course of so-called rehabilitation treatment

but nothing in a human being

can be rehabilitated

and certainly not a fatal natural gift for something

If a person drinks

one must let him drink

witness how he drinks

and where his drinking takes him

if he goes mad

there is nothing we can do about it

If only it were so simple

If we stick a drinker

a madman

a lunatic

my dear sir

into an institution

we are committing a felonious act

we are in actual fact ashamed

in the presence of the supreme court of nature

which shows itself to us at the apex of despair

believe me

your daughter means well

when she says

check back into an institution

submit to a course of rehabilitation treatment

but she is hardly competent

The father turns on the loudspeaker

I can clearly hear

that the musicians

are already in the pit

FATHER

My own child

is always incredibly inconsiderate

DOCTOR

Your whole life

is the most inconsiderate thing of all

my dear sir

The father turns on the loudspeaker again

but you will see

when the three ladies enter

and the serpent is slain

your daughter

already dressed

for her entrance

the most reliable things in this house

are without a doubt the stage-managers

I have always remarked of this place

here though chaos may defy

on the stage-managers you may rely

set your mind at rest

Remember the impassibility

of a person

like Mrs Vargo

and keep in mind

your daughter’s zealous professionalism

she would never allow herself

to arrive too late

later and later to be sure

but never too late

Walking through the door at the last minute

gives one an enormous advantage

no matter what the situation is

a tactic [borrowed from diplomatic] conferences

the best tactic

a couple of coloraturas in the staircase

a couple of footsteps

and your daughter will be here

and you will no longer need to be in the state of anxiety

in which you always find yourself at moments like these

it is always the same

Mrs Vargo hangs the crown on the clothes rack

and your nerves my dear sir

are stretched to the breaking point

art and everything having to do with it

is taken to be the whole

a colossal nervous tension

The father turns on the loudspeaker again

when she loathes the conductor

as she does this one

her singing is at its most reliable

and its best

and she loathes nobody more

than the man

who will be conducting today’s performance

this man should have become a butcher

not a conductor

my dear sir

when you hear him you’re hearing

a butcher

probably your daughter

is downstairs at the cafeteria

and drinking a cup of hot tea

but I’m sure she’s already in the house

that trip last year

to the Teatro Fenice

during that performance of Falstaff my dear sir

it happened then

her transformation dates from that point

because she suddenly wanted to see

the most beautiful theater in the world

and moreover hear a certain to my mind quite mediocre colleague sing

one must simply

take everything into account as a possible cause

anything can be a cause

quite possibly it was a terminal illness

my dear sir

that she caught at the Teatro Fenice

but I am convinced

that this illness

will not

or at least not in the next five or even ten years

have any effect on her voice

this loveliest of all talents my dear sir

will continue to develop for another five or even ten years

if afterwards it suddenly stops short

that won’t matter a jot my dear sir

without a doubt it is

like when a machine is thrown out of gear

sits down

the day before yesterday she had an argument

with her coach

this argument injured

her voice

The father takes a sip from his bottle

We have

and this is appalling to consider my dear sir

invariably only effects before us

the causes we do not see

on account of these stupid effects

we fail to see any causes

Moreover the essence of Rokitansky’s methods

is the preservation to the utmost extent possible

of the normal physiological integrity

of the individual organs

for thanks to crude scissions

integrities that are normally present

that are often of great diagnostic significance

vanish

on the other hand

either we eviscerate entire internal organs

stands up

and dissect [them] on a table

or we [acquiesce in] Virchow’s

renunciation of organic integrity

[and] separate

alienate etcetera

my dear sir

for the prevention of infection

the wearing of rubber gloves

is useful

but on account of the impairment of the sense of touch

one refrains from this practice

we distinguish between

general

and detailed description

the proliferation of external changes

is recorded with great exactitude

for example

during forensic postmortem

or in the case of an individual who has been found dead

and is unidentified

for instance

an exact description of tattoos of scars

of the teeth

including all their fillings

may be required

we distinguish then

first and foremost

between male and female corpses

Something of great importance

is the ascertainment of the corpse’s weight

this can under normal circumstances

play an important role

for example an unusually thin corpse

a sure sign

of a poorly ingested diet

of a consumptive illness

caused for example by the constriction of the esophagus by

a malignant tumor

my dear sir

and the consequent impedance of swallowing

the simplest method

is to weigh the corpse

FATHER

To weigh the corpse

DOCTOR

Otherwise the weight

is estimated and one declares

whether the corpse is

thin

or corpulent

a Falstaff type

a jodhpur type etcetera

the ascertainment of the length of the body is important

because it may allow

one to infer abnormalities

in the condition of the body

the length of the body is quite basically appraised

relative to the median bodily length of the population

in our region one meter sixty-five centimeters

is the median bodily length

ramifying from this median

are certain extremes

if an individual is longer than one meter eighty centimeters my dear sir

his condition is termed tallness

whereas a bodily length in excess of two meters

is termed gigantism

paces up and down

in connection with an individual under one meter twenty centimeters

one speaks of dwarfism

but along with the length of the body

its proportions must also be considered

especially the proportions of the skeletal frame

which is the principal determinant of the length of the body

in many very tall individuals the bodily length is not evenly distributed

for example very long legs

Lower-body length

my dear sir

is the distance from the symphysis to the Planta pedis

Upper-body length

the distance from the vertex

to the upper edge of the symphysis

This alone is often the actual cause

of the so-called underlying disease

my dear sir

without a doubt your daughter’s greatest source of delight

to which she has now grown accustomed

is the fact that for years

she has been coming and going to and from opera houses

and singing her celebrated coloraturas

I myself by the way

as perhaps you don’t know

used some twenty years ago my dear sir

to dabble at singing in a not uningratiating bass

and I have at private performances

notably at the house of a citizen of this town

the head of a very famous shipping company

alongside simple loveable people

who took all that stuff very seriously

sung the Speaker and Sarastro

and there is not a church in this town

in which I have not

at least every other Sunday

let my bass be heard

It is empirically certain that music

is an art for which physicians have a particular soft spot

and one doctor in two plays a violin or a piano

in the evenings

and if you take a look around the dwellings of doctors

you will discover whole galleries of piano scores

for every conceivable opera

and as you know the best musicians

hail from long-established medical families

Whenever a virtuoso appears

you can safely say

he comes from a medical family

or that he is one of these butchers’ children

who matriculate in droves at our conservatories

or academies

The father turns on the loudspeaker, applause from the audience, overture [to The Magic Flute]

The overture

I can clearly hear it

the overture

FATHER

The overture

MRS VARGO [offstage]

The overture

FATHER

These never-ending

complications

involving my daughter

DOCTOR

Tallness in excess of the normal limits

is a feature of many disorders

of the genital glands

eunuchoid tallness

is characterized by an excessive lower-body length

Many individuals when sitting

appear to be normal my dear sir

but they are actually

too short

You yourself are a perfect example of this

You have excessively short extremities

but your torso is normal

This is signally a feature

of chondrodystrophic dwarfism

Footsteps

The father methodically slides the armbands up his arms.  Enter Mrs Vargo stage left, followed by the queen.  The doctor, having leapt to his feet, kisses the queen’s hand while the father remains apathetically seated.  The queen walks up to him and kisses him on the forehead.  

FATHER

Late my child

late my child

this is inconsiderate

How patient I have been

but this father deserves

an inconsiderate daughter

All the world marvels at you

but I am ashamed of you

I am mortified by my daughter’s

schizophrenia

DOCTOR to the queen

Your father has been at the opera house

for two hours already

You are aware of his nervousness

he is impossible to calm down

so I have been telling him about my professional activities

I marvel at your father’s ability to pay attention

The queen kisses her father on the forehead once again, then exits stage right with Mrs Vargo

You see

she’s here

and it’s also the last minute

FATHER

Always at the last minute

it’s inconsiderate

the overture

takes a sip from his bottle

it’s always the same

DOCTOR

You’re overlooking something

you always forget about

Mrs Vargo’s skillfulness

it all gets done very quickly

a brief routine procedure involving the costumes

FATHER

It’s inconsiderate

first

in extremely difficult conditions

to send one’s daughter off to study

then in extremely terrible conditions

of a perpetual witness

of her inconsiderateness

DOCTOR

I can’t let you get away with saying that

my dear sir

Your daughter is extremely disciplined

If only you knew

how incredibly sloppily

this house is run

and not only this house

It’s a wonder

that your daughter

can make it onstage at all

in these terrible conditions

in this madhouse

and that she has managed to forge ahead

to do so she has had to go abroad

now that she is famous

she can

hold her own

here

if she had not gone away

she would not be

what she is today

had she stayed here

her colleagues would have walked all over her

she would have become embroiled in intrigues

she would have given up a long time ago

at best she would be

[singing] nothing but operettas

or she would have been degraded to the position of the general manager’s

mistress

by being more inconsiderate to herself than to anyone else

she has become the most famous of all female coloratura singers

active onstage today

just think of how much it has cost her

to overcome the unbelievable nervousness

that as recently as five or six years ago

still used to afflict her from time to time during her exercises

Artistry

has produced impediments

naturally the people around her

suffer as a result of it

as a result of what

she is today

but you must admit my dear sir

that she has made the people around her

what they are [today]

The people around her could not ask for anything more

You have a daughter

that sings the most famous coloraturas in the world

if this isn’t enough for you

you have no choice but to give up all hope

consequently you have no choice but to kill yourself

what is happening

here in closest proximity

to your daughter

is without a doubt

a sham and a shambles

but the people around her will without a doubt have to put up with it

we are dealing here with an astonishing form

of theater

with a theatrical Antarctica my dear sir

not with some half-baked dog-and-pony show

it is quite clear

that all the people in the orbit of such a phenomenon

especially when this phenomenon

is a coloratura soprano

as famous as your daughter

are condemned

to motionlessness

and to meaninglessness  

Naturally one cannot but recoil in terror

from its notionlessness

The fact of the matter is

that your daughter has changed

Her manner of speaking

is different

Her movements

different

but this is of no interest

to medical science

just as pretty much everything human

is of no interest to medical science

do you understand

this delusion my dear sir

because medical science is pretty much incapable

of taking an interest in anything human

will never comprehend this

and will naturally my dear sir

run completely aground

medical science takes pretty much no interest whatsoever in human beings

it is interested in organs as such

not in the organs

of human beings

the fabric itself is the interesting thing my dear sir

not what lies beneath it

or behind it

or as always

the tools of the trade are utterly unphilosophical tools

Your daughter’s voice

admittedly has

not changed

in any case the public

has not taken notice

of such a change

the public

always thinks a certain point of time has just been reached

when it has long since passed

on the whole the public has no ear

for changes

but I am sure that you can see as well as I do

that nature has trapped your daughter

in a process

that has changed her root and branch

root and branch

Your mistake is

to regard whatever you are thinking about

as always the same thing

That is without a doubt your most basic delusion

FATHER

When I tell her

that I have walked around

for three hours without armbands

she doesn’t believe me

DOCTOR

Between you my dear sir

and your daughter

there is nothing but distrust

the cause of every conceivable illness

my dear sir

FATHER

That I have walked

without armbands

through all these streets

and past

hundreds and thousands

of people

to be sure I am well acquainted with these streets

as a child I walked along all these streets

although they are all completely different today

DOCTOR

The pattern of the streets is the same

FATHER

Yes

the pattern is the same

DOCTOR

Streets that one has walked along as a child

that one often walked along in childhood my dear sir

or really any streets

that one has walked along with any frequency

my dear sir

are streets that one can even walk blind

If you blindfold me

I can find my way from any part of town

to the house of my infancy my dear sir

That presents me with no difficulties whatsoever

FATHER

Naturally she believes nothing

that I tell her

she has never yet believed a word I’ve said

Her mother and her

my daughter

my dear doctor

were never anything but a conspiracy against me

a [rapprochement with] the two of them

was always unthinkable

hence from the beginning

I was weakened

after the death of my wife

her mother

I thought there would be

an improvement of this situation

on the contrary

an exacerbation of this situation commenced

she thought

if she kissed me on the forehead

that would suffice

all her actions

are directed against me

her father is suffering

for the inanity

the iniquity

the inhumanity

of her mother

DOCTOR

A man who feels the passage of time

as keenly as you

and takes everything so seriously

naturally suffers

with every breath he takes

that is quite a gift

for this reason your natural constitution

is an unbearable one

without a doubt people like you

should be pitied

FATHER

My reward

is always

contempt

which is the cause

of my drinking

as you know

all day

and half the night

DOCTOR

In the end one must

surrender control

for the external world is a comedy

that is in reality

a tragedy

my dear sir

FATHER

Two bottles

a day

DOCTOR

If you were deprived of

your two bottles

you would fall to pieces in a most pitiful fashion

FATHER

It has become habitual for me

DOCTOR

One flees

into senseless activity

whether

one from a certain point onwards

drinks ever-increasing amounts

or paces to and fro

or spends all one’s time unfolding maps

or reading

one’s own palms

my dear sir

or writing letters

or perusing the writings of madmen

or every time one wakes up

one takes a pill

in order to fall back asleep

and one carries on like this for years

for decades my dear sir

for often enough

one’s craziest conditions

last

an eternity

one minute we believe

in literature

the next we believe

in music

the next we believe

in human beings

but there is no remedy

FATHER

The most perverse part of it is

that for the longest time I have been drinking

nothing but the cheapest spirits available

I couldn’t care less about

what is in the bottles

DOCTOR

On the other hand dipsomania is

an artistic medium

Enter the queen with Mrs Vargo.  The queen is already in costume but not yet wearing any make-up or the crown, which Frau Vargo arranges on the clothes rack

to the father

Between scenes some thought

obtrudes itself on your daughter’s mind

This is a highly remarkable novelty

my dear sir

that I find incredibly fascinating

The queen seats herself at the vanity table.  Mrs Vargo hastily makes the queen up

QUEEN to Mrs Vargo

Make sure the crown

doesn’t wobble on my head

The complaints

you suffer from

are nothing but figments of your imagination

You are the healthiest person in the world

I’m sure of it

sings a coloratura

I’m sure you are ashamed

of being healthy

You see it as a disgrace

sings a coloratura

DOCTOR

Then she is

she goes through a long period of being

silent

it is quite striking

her favorite word is the word air

very often she uses the phrase change of scene

also the word autocratical

and the words situation and condition

crop up at every turn

in her utterances

moreover she no longer seems to set

much store by the German language

she is constantly using numerous

English and French words

today she will sing the queen of the night

for the two hundred twenty-second time

QUEEN

I have reserved a table

at the Three Hussars

MRS VARGO

Your costume has been brushed

your crown has been polished

the assistant director apologizes

for his impertinent manner of address

I have called off

the philharmonic society’s reception

QUEEN

Call off

call off

we must call off everything

from now on call off everything

do you understand

we will call off everything from now on

won’t we doctor

henceforth we will call off everything

we used to be on call everywhere

now we will call off everything

we won’t go anywhere ever again

we have already seen everything

heard everything

everything in the world is

old hat to us

we are well acquainted with it

we no longer need anything

anything

anything

sings a coloratura

We have already heard everything

We have already seen everything

sings a coloratura

to her father

haven’t we

we are well acquainted with everything

everything is well-known to us

We are acquainted with every opera

every play

we have read everything

and we are well acquainted with the most beautiful places in the world

and secretly we loathe our audience

don’t we

our tormentors

sings a coloratura

we make our entrances

and execrate

those familiar faces

DOCTOR

It’s inherent in the nature of the thing

QUEEN

Right you are Doctor

it’s always inherent

in the nature of the thing

The father takes a sip from his bottle

As long as I produce coloraturas

I make my entrances

sings a coloratura

DOCTOR

The most famous of all coloraturas without a doubt

The queen sings a coloratura

Your father went

on a three-hour walk

through the town

and believe it or not

he wasn’t wearing his armbands

QUEEN sings a coloratura

Don’t believe a word of it

everything he says is a lie

a blind man

without arm bands

can hardly get very far

people will run him down

they’ll trample him

to her father

Liar

sings a coloratura

DOCTOR

Your esteemed father is absolutely credible

QUEEN

Credible

sings a coloratura

credible

sure he is

DOCTOR

I gather

that you won’t be going

with me to Paris

QUEEN

I am exhausted

no really

I am exhausted

my father is a dipsomaniac

and I am exhausted

DOCTOR

A trip to Paris

with absolutely no strings attached

believe it or not

on a trip like this

you will regenerate yourself completely

QUEEN glancing at her father

What about him

DOCTOR

In my opinion

QUEEN

I can’t possibly leave him by himself

you yourself can plainly see

that he can’t be made

to listen to reason

he refuses to listen

to anything anyone

tells him

now there are two bottles

six months from now

there will be three

I have no need of a trip

Doctor

quite the opposite Doctor

FATHER

One of these days I shall wait in vain

QUEEN

These constant asseverations

naturally

get old

sings a coloratura

get old

nothing else

to Mrs Vargo

more rouge on my cheeks more rouge

on second thought

no

make my cheeks white

stark white

make them white white

MRS VARGO

White always looks good

DOCTOR

Naturally

QUEEN

Naturally white

white naturally

the queen of the night

looks good in white

heavy white

to Mrs Vargo

you’re right about that

really heavy white

you’re being awfully quiet doctor

DOCTOR

I was giving a run-through of an autopsy

QUEEN

Do sit down

DOCTOR

I was on the point of talking about

Sigaud’s classifications you know

the Typus digestorius

the Typus muscularis

the Typus cerebralis

FATHER

The Typus cerebralis

the Typus muscularis

the Typus digesorius

DOCTOR

Digestorius

my dear sir

digestorius

FATHER

Digestorius

DOCTOR to the queen

Your esteemed father

takes an interest in my work

he is as attentive listener

as one could wish for

The father takes a sip from his bottle

This afternoon

during his walk

he peremptorily insisted

on having the dissection of the brain

explained to him

but I was pressed

for time

I had to attend to something at the Institute

but I promised

to give a lecture

before the performance

here in the dressing room

and since we were kept waiting so long

I had the opportunity

to adduce

several details

that I had not

adduced before

In the cafeteria

where we bought his bottles

your esteemed father avowed

his deep affection

so as to avoid having to say the word love

to you

he is dependent

to the very core of his being

on his daughter

MRS VARGO

Shall I crown you

QUEEN

Not now

not yet

MRS VARGO

Or fetch the belt

QUEEN

Yes fetch the belt

Mrs Vargo goes to the cabinet and produces from it a brightly spangled belt with a twice-as-brightly spangled sash and hangs it on the clothes rack

DOCTOR

And so several times I said

the word peritonitis

to your esteemed father

because on account of the sudden outbreak

of a loud chaotic argument

outside the dressing room

it probably had to do with musicians

with musicians in the orchestra

he could not understand what I was saying

in another system of classification

I said

we distinguish among

the pyknic typus

the leptosome typus

the athletic typus

in the pyknic typus

a highly developed abdomen

a compact thorax

adipose deposits etcetera

The queen sings a coloratura

an extreme form of the leptosome typus is

QUEEN in unison with him

The typus asthenicus

QUEEN sola

Also known as the habitus phthisicus

DOCTOR

Correct

The subcutaneous fat

next to the abdominal area

but also in the area of the extremities

The queen sings a coloratura

must be inspected

in people with especially thick subcutaneous fat

we infer

The queen sings a coloratura

DOCTOR in unison with the

QUEEN

That they had a disorder of the endocrine glands

QUEEN sola

Of the pituitary gland for example

DOCTOR

Adiposogenital dystrophy etcetera

QUEEN sings a coloratura

to her father

All this drinking

and this roaming around

this incessant

two-sided togetherness

has got to end sometime

sings a coloratura

to the doctor

My father is a complete degenerate

sings a coloratura

because I caved in

sings a coloratura

because I went soft

and although I knew full well what it would lead to

took him along

on my trips

to America

and to Australia

my biggest mistake

was to take him with me to Scandinavia

sings a coloratura

it was there that he picked up the habit

of drinking spirits

not a day since

without this incessant drinking

from the bottle

sings a coloratura

DOCTOR

Usually there’s no

point

in taking a dipsomaniac’s

bottle away from him

in depriving him of the possibility

of drinking

a drinker

can’t be helped

QUEEN sings a coloratura

to Mrs Vargo

If only you’d pin up

my hair

every time even under

the crown I think

that my hair is falling out

a horrible feeling

a truly

horrible feeling

sings a coloratura

DOCTOR

If your esteemed father

at least for a few weeks

were to go to the mountains

where I know you have

that lovely house that’s totally isolated

and far off the beaten track

in the fresh montane air

The queen sings a coloratura

If your father were to pass his time there

doing simple work

ordinary chores for example

like chopping wood

or plucking berries

nothing intellectual

in any case

if he were allowed to occupy himself

with books or even with philosophy

his condition would undoubtedly

deteriorate

to walk about in fresh air

and adhere with special care

to a regular meal-schedule

and naturally in full consciousness of the fact

that you are constantly thinking about him

wherever you are

be it at the most distant of distances

QUEEN to Mrs Vargo

If any flowers come

send them immediately

to the old people’s home

If anybody asks about me

give them no information

if there are any invitations

decline them

if any letters are delivered

file them

but don’t nag me about them

I shall sign no more autographs

I find nothing more loathsome

Moreover

Sings a coloratura

moreover we are all out of tea

buy some tea

and sew the buttons

on my winter coat

to her father

You keep struggling

but nothing changes

sings a coloratura

How hard I keep struggling

but nothing changes

DOCTOR

If one can

afford

such a misfortune

a dilapidation

from inside

out

QUEEN to the doctor

You yourself have said

isn’t it horrible

to sing the same part

over two hundred times

To be hounded

through every opera house in the world

goaded

by Magic Flute coloraturas

DOCTOR

It is a pinnacle                  

an absolute pinnacle

to the father                                                 

a pinnacle

my dear sir

FATHER

A pinnacle                                          

DOCTOR

The genius

the practicing artist

is a disease

such a development

is the progress of a disease

that the public follows

with its undivided attention

the crowd observes

a voice

a coloratura voice

like your daughter’s

as if that voice is on a tightrope

in perpetual fear

that it will fall

as if as far as we are concerned

the whole thing has nothing to do with a human being

except as

an emotion

to the father

such a voice

is an object of value

my dear sir

and hardly to be encountered every day

Thousands of them are trained

but in the end

we marvel at only a few of them

FATHER

I myself had

a miserable childhood

whereas my daughter

was always spoiled rotten

DOCTOR

But only until the moment

when she began studying

at the academy

FATHER

She got

a free ride

a full scholarship

from her first semester onward

The president of the academy

knew that

he had a talent

to be reckoned with

in my daughter

He takes a sip from his bottle

DOCTOR

But it must be

enormously satisfying

your certainty

in possessing a mechanism

for a daughter

or a daughter for a mechanism

so famous

and incomparable

one that bewitches

the theater-going world

FATHER

She is uncivil

and inconsiderate

and unteachable

DOCTOR

But just think of

your daughter’s beauty

it’s without parallel

MRS VARGO to the queen

Your esteemed father oughtn’t to drink so much

QUEEN

Well the doctor has also

said his piece on that

namely that

you can’t change nature

sings a coloratura

everybody’s always saying

the same thing

over and over again

DOCTOR

If only the two of you

could make up your minds

to go your separate ways

at least for a little while

your esteemed father

would separate from you

for his health’s sake

The queen sings a coloratura

you would separate

from your father

for your art’s sake

because constant nervous tension

when it cannot but be termed senseless

weakens the voice

then one day all of a sudden

you’ll no longer be able to sing

coloraturas

with such astonishing facility

QUEEN to Mrs Vargo

Put on more white

lots of white

my face

must be a completely artificial face

my body

an artificial one

everything artificial

DOCTOR

As you know Mrs Vargo

we’re dealing here

with a puppet theater

no people act here

puppets

Here everything moves

unnaturally

which is the most natural

thing in the world

The queen sings a coloratura

The heaviest white

Mrs Vargo

don’t be stingy

with the make-up

don’t be stingy

The father takes a sip from his bottle

heavy white

really heavy white

FATHER

Heavy white

DOCTOR

It accentuates

her artificiality

it accentuates

her natural artificiality

 

QUEEN to Mrs Vargo

Are the seams firm

is it all firmly stitched together

I am constantly worrying

that

when I raise my arm

the costume will tear

[that the whole thing] will tear to pieces

it’s horrible

suddenly

the costume tears under my arm

and the audience bursts into laughter

it tears

[the whole thing] tears to pieces

suddenly this movement

very quickly raises her right arm and her costume noisily tears

under that arm

screams

Once again it has torn

once again it has torn

I just raise my arm

DOCTOR

Now Frau Vargo

QUEEN

You see doctor

time and again I say

sew it all firmly together

and it tears

DOCTOR

This is a disaster

right before your entrance

your costume has torn

QUEEN

It’s the same thing every time

right before my entrance

it tears

this is just silly

this is vile

Mrs Vargo

time and again I say firm seams

make the seams firm

then I raise my arm

and the costume tears

DOCTOR

Immediately

before your entrance

FATHER

This is inexcusable

Mrs Vargo

Mrs Vargo tries as quickly as possible to sew up the tear

under the right arm; the doctor lends her

a helping hand

DOCTOR

Haven’t you got

any premium thread

Mrs Vargo

QUEEN

How many times I have said

pick yourself up

a spool of premium thread

but the same thing always happens

the costume is stitched together with

ultra-cheap thread

and naturally tears

at the most important spot

FATHER

This is why my daughter is

so nervous

this is why she occasionally screws up

a coloratura

DOCTOR

And the entire performance

is imperiled

Mrs Vargo

QUEEN

Why the hell haven’t you

from the beginning sewn together my costume

so that it won’t tear

so that I can move about in my costume

as I please

this must be the hundredth time it has torn

DOCTOR

As if such tearing of costumes

were acceptable at the opera

to the father

this has of course got

to make your daughter nervous

QUEEN

Always the same routine Doctor

I raise my arm

and the costume tears

this is what

is driving me crazy

nobody understands

my nervousness

and so this tearing of my costume drives me

crazy

nobody knows the things I put up with

how incredibly unreliable the people around me are

everybody here is unreliable

these theaters and opera houses are teeming

with unreliable people

DOCTOR

Here dilettantism reigns supreme

FATHER

Along with Schadenfreude

DOCTOR

Schadenfreude naturally

Mrs Vargo is finished sewing, and the

QUEEN slumps forward in despair, but then immediately rights

herself

It’s horrible Doctor

no really

it’s horrible

very quickly raises her left arm and her costume very noisily tears

DOCTOR

A catastrophe

a catastrophe

Mrs Vargo

Mrs Vargo sews up the tear under the left arm as quickly

as possible

You must hurry

do you hear me Mrs Vargo

you must hurry

The overture

MRS VARGO

The overture

in my haste

I didn’t even hear the overture

any second now the three ladies will be

onstage

FATHER

Always too late

and always at the last minute

a catastrophe every time

this is inconsiderate

my child

QUEEN

And on top of all this

to have a father

who understands nothing

and who secretly hates

what you do

DOCTOR

You must hurry

Mrs Vargo

The queen sings a coloratura

In today’s opera houses

there is an indispersible

atmosphere of catastrophe

in every type of theater

nothing functions

quickly Mrs Vargo

the three ladies

are already onstage

QUEEN

The three ladies

the three ladies

FATHER

The three ladies

are already onstage

my child

MRS VARGO sighs

Well

DOCTOR

At the last minute

FATHER

At the last minute

MRS VARGO

Now none of it can

ever tear again

ma’am

DOCTOR

Concentration

nothing but concentration

Concentration

is the most crucial thing

The queen sings a coloratura

Her coach should step up the pace

of the afternoon sessions

The queen sings a coloratura

Then one wonders

whether

The queen sings a coloratura

MRS VARGO to the queen

Raise your arm

so as to put your mind at rest

The queen sings a coloratura and raises first her right

then her left arm

DOCTOR

You see

nothing is tearing

everything is tight and firm now

Mrs Vargo

has stitched it all together

as firmly as possible

I personally observed

how firmly she stitched up the seams

FATHER

The three ladies

are already onstage

DOCTOR

In fact the serpent has already been slain

The queen sings a coloratura

These unpleasant tenor voices

a totally unbearable Tamino

The queen sings a coloratura

a totally unbearable tenor

and a totally unbearable conductor

The queen rises and steps forward and raises her head as high

as possible

and the most significant opera

in the history of opera

The queen makes for the door

FATHER

The crown

don’t forget the crown

MRS VARGO appalled

The crown

naturally the crown

takes the crown down from the clothes rack and sets it on

the queen’s head

DOCTOR to Mrs Vargo

Fasten it on

so that it can’t fall off

Mrs Vargo fastens on the crown and buckles the belt around

the queen’s waist

Queens of the night

have been known

to lose their crowns

FATHER

My lovely child

Exit the queen of the night

DOCTOR

Just imagine

if on the stage

if right in the middle of the stage

your daughter’s costume tears

under the arms

first under the right arm

and then under the left

undoubtedly a catastrophe

I regard this

trial arm-raising as an

unconditional necessity

The father turns up the loudspeaker

To be obliged to act

in that

which one hates

because one has talent

in certain cases genius

my dear sir

or because one is forced

to do so in every conceivable case

for example by a father

is horrible

the recitative “Oh tremble not, beloved son,” is now heard from the loudspeaker

The theater

and in particular

the opera

my dear sir

is hell

[The queen’s first] aria is heard from the loudspeaker

The doctor and the father motionlessly listen to the entire remainder of the aria

Curtain

At the Three Hussars

The queen of the night, the father, and the doctor, seated at a circular table

Two side-tables with lamps

Winter in the background

  

DOCTOR

An outstanding performance

The mise en scene

excellent

Apart from the conductor

Such apathy

towards the score

Artificiality

Beckons Winter over

Astonishing

the audience’s

incapacity to react

poverty of imagination

downright crippling stupidity

The queen says something unintelligible to Winter, who is standing immediately behind her.  Exit Winter.

Misallocations

constant anxiety

literally

uninterrupted anxiety

Like at Covent Garden

Like at Covent Garden

How easy it is

to disorganize a production

to the point of insufferableness

no exactitude

aptitude on the part of the actors

of the singers

but no exactitude

it’s no use

it’s absolutely no use

QUEEN to her father

You hear

you don’t see

but you do hear

DOCTOR

And he hears

everything

the most insignificant things

with incredible fidelity

A person who cannot see

hears incredibly clearly

FATHER

Today’s performance

was about ten minutes shorter

than the premiere

DOCTOR

This incessant anxiety

believe me

outstanding seats

Naturally

regarding Fritz Busch

no

QUEEN

Every time I think

this is the last time

that I’ll put up with this

that I’ll go through with this

then it happens again

and again

and again

then suddenly there’ll be no more agains

ever again

Enter Winter with a bottle [of wine], which he pours for the doctor, the queen, and her father in turn; then he tops off the doctor’s glass and exits

DOCTOR

What we miss

is the precision

the exactitude

the inconsiderateness

the extremity of artificiality

like [that of] the score

but what we read

in the newspapers

is reported

by an appalling simpleton

as

something that has not been studied

and therefore not comprehended

such effrontery

my dear sir

Enter Winter with the entrees, which he serves

Diminution

my dear sir

parsimony

artificiality

to Winter

If you Winter

have come to grasp

the fact that everything

is exceedingly questionable

that one cannot

rely on anything

that everything is grounds

for distrust

and for contempt

If you act

with eyes wide open

and perform an inconsiderate dissection

the opposite

of a philosophical state of affairs

WINTER to the queen

An absolutely extraordinary success

madam

The newspapers

DOCTOR interrupting

Lies Winter

all lies Winter

Organs

of incapacity

each one of them a mouth

that unremittingly

spews

vulgarity

ignobility

to Winter

You know

Gevrey Chambertin

not too cold

not too warm

to the queen

on the other hand it’s such a wasteland

without newspapers

to Winter

please bring the gentleman

some white-bread

toast

Exit Winter

The air

in the opera house

is bitterly cold

QUEEN

I am always worried

that the fire curtain

is going to come crashing down

DOCTOR

Your old dream

about being crushed

by the fire curtain

Enter Winter with toast

The doctor to Winter

Do you hear this

Madam

is still forever worrying

that she will be crushed

by the fire curtain

You remember

WINTER serving the father his toast

Madam has always

talked about this

DOCTOR

It’s true

that at the Metropolitan Opera

the fire curtain did once fall down

during a performance

but nobody was injured

Exit Winter

I believe it was during a performance

of Fidelio

QUEEN

With Kirsten

DOCTOR

With Kirsten Flagstad

FATHER

Twelve years ago

DOCTOR

A performance

conducted by Fritz Busch

FATHER

Who was substituting

for Bruno Walter

DOCTOR

Indeed

I remember

Busch was substituting

for Walter

QUEEN calling out

Winter

Enter Winter

Bring me some mineral water

Winter

Exit Winter

Every time I say

the last time

call it off

make no more entrances

bow out

for good

DOCTOR

If you are talking about

retiring

at the pinnacle

bowing out

at the pinnacle

of your vitality

of your art

of your disgust with art

laughs

well you haven’t

reached that pinnacle yet

Enter Winter with the mineral water

QUEEN to Winter

If only I could confide in somebody

but there is nobody

in whom I can confide

my days of being a confidence trickster’s dupe

are over

and done with

to Winter, as he pours the mineral water

This I believe

I believe that that is mineral water

Winter

nothing else

I believe nothing else

absolutely nothing else

looks Winter in the eye

nothing else whatsoever

just

that what you’re now pouring me

is mineral water

Exit Winter

DOCTOR

A blind person naturally

grows tired

more quickly

and more intensively

than other people

but the gaucherie of the masses

is a given

Nobody

to the queen

witnesses your art

with greater

intensity

QUEEN

Then

after the performance

when everything is over

this insatiable appetite

DOCTOR

[But] when one is dining with good reason

at so famous a restaurant

as the Three Hussars

QUEEN calling to Winter, who is offstage

Did you hear that Winter

When one is dining with good reason

at so famous a restaurant

as the Three Hussars

DOCTOR

It’s not just a meal

it’s an extravaganza

QUEEN

This remark is

typical of you doctor

DOCTOR

The consommé

and a philosophical topic

The beefsteak tartar

and

the idea of self-annihilation

for example

QUEEN

The difficulty

of always singing exactly [right]

in a great variety of conditions

of always singing the same part

exactly [the same]

DOCTOR

Variations in temperature

variations in [degrees of] consciousness

naturally

QUEEN

In cold water

more taxing

or not as taxing

as in warm

in Paris more taxing

than in Buenos Aires

or vice-versa

DOCTOR

Or vice-versa

FATHER

My daughter

is fully conversant with

the variations

in nature

DOCTOR

A step too many

or too large a step

a lapse of attention

of the most risible sort

a lapse of attention on her partner’s part

and everything falls to bits

my dear sir

FATHER

She imagines herself

in the craziest situation

DOCTOR

One time it is

an Italian

the next time a Spanish

next an English

next a German conductor

laughs

FATHER

She has made herself

into a specialist

DOCTOR

A specialist

FATHER

As her anxiety

and the hugeness of her reputation

as her fluency

and her insecurity

and her inconsiderateness increase

so do her guarantees

DOCTOR

Naturally

her guarantees are increasing

FATHER

But now

her villas her numerous houses make her

miserable

DOCTOR

What one wants

to begin with is

what one subsequently doesn’t want at all

The doctor and the father laugh

QUEEN

At the Three Hussars

it is mandatory to eat

fried beef and onions in gravy or

a beefsteak tartar

DOCTOR

Fried beef and onions in gravy or

a beefsteak tartar

QUEEN

It assembles

itself

mixes/crushes

itself

Winter knows

what I mean by that

shouting out to Winter

Don’t you Winter

you know

what I mean by that

DOCTOR

A reliable fellow

who never steps out of character

FATHER

Also a Scorpio

like me

QUEEN

My father always sits

in the twelfth row

in the middle of the twelfth row

he always sits

in the same place

FATHER

In the twelfth row

I hear best

QUEEN

Left and right of him

nobody sits

for his arms and hands

he needs

the two places on either side

laughs

DOCTOR

A person like

your esteemed father

has an uncommonly well-trained sense of hearing

QUEEN

He hears everything

DOCTOR

Naturally

QUEEN

Such a strong coloratura voice

after several days starts to bother him

then he says nothing

falls silent

DOCTOR

When one has staked one’s entire fortune

on such a voice

and all

one’s bets have paid off

QUEEN

He always used to dream

of my singing the queen of the night

at Covent Garden

and now so far I have sung twenty times

at Covent Garden

FATHER

Twenty times

DOCTOR

Once we have achieved something

even something of the highest order

we see

that it is nothing

FATHER

Nothing

nothing

DOCTOR

In the end

nothing

It is sheer torture

my dear sir

and one’s intellect

a formidable one

QUEEN

Since my father

started wearing armbands

I have not worried about him

as much

DOCTOR

Society

is extremely inconsiderate

if a person evinces a weakness

this weakness is

taken advantage of

everything is based on that

to the queen

When you are walking up and down

in the park

before a performance

aren’t you thinking all the while

that you might just

break down

that you suddenly

won’t be able to sing

your coloraturas

When you step into the opera house

that you will unleash a scandal

when you all of a sudden

cease to be master

of your art

Artists exist

I believe

in perpetual fear

of the instantaneous loss

of their artistic powers

a singer

worries that he will suddenly no longer be able to sing

an actor

that he will all of a sudden

forget his lines etcetera

I myself would without a doubt

be incessantly afflicted by this fear

and would be hopelessly unfit

to follow an artistic calling

Medicine

is

it deliberately aims

to soothe its practitioner

Medicine

is pretty much unacquainted with

the concept of fear

to the father

May I pour you

some wine

my dear sir

pours the father some wine

Medicine is

But why bother trying to explain

when of course pretty much nothing

can be explained

when pretty much nothing

QUEEN

Before the performance

I naturally

give a wide berth to my role

I distract myself

I listen

I hear

Distraction

DOCTOR

But naturally

distraction is impossible

QUEEN looks at her father

Naturally

I give him a wide berth

I simply avoid him

when I avoid him

I calm down

to her father

It’s all been settled

you are going off to the mountains

I am determined to make this tour alone

to her father

If it’s something important

he doesn’t hear

suddenly he loses his hearing

as well

suddenly cries out

Winter

enter Winter

QUEEN

A telegram Winter

write this down

Winter readies pen and paper

Royal Opera Stockholm

Royal Opera Stockholm

Winter writes

did you get that

Winter nods

Royal Opera Stockholm

Owing to sudden

owing to sudden

to the doctor

listen to this doctor

Owing to severe sudden

to Winter

owing to sudden severe illness

fulfillment of obligation

fulfillment of obligation

to Winter

listen up

to doctor

Listen up Doctor

to Winter

fulfillment of obligation impossible

deeply regret cancellation etcetera

Send it off

at once

now

exit Winter

DOCTOR

But surely you’re

QUEEN

Not actually ill

you were about to say

naturally

I am not actually ill

not the slightest bit

laughs

but I shan’t be traveling to Stockholm

not to Stockholm

not to Stockholm

suddenly

nor to Copenhagen

nor to Copenhagen either

cries out

Winter

enter Winter

Send another telegram this time

to Copenhagen

write this down

Winter writes

Royal Opera Copenhagen

Owing to sudden severe illness

fulfillment of obligation impossible

deeply regret cancellation etcetera

send off both telegrams at once

exit Winter

to the doctor

I shall travel with my father

to the mountains

To the mountains doctor

no coloratura

nothing

I know that my father

cannot stand

the awful stench of the people

who sit next to him at the opera

he hates the perspiration of the opera-goers

it stupefies him

and to such a powerful extent

I think

because of his alcoholism

DOCTOR

Naturally

an alcoholic finds

the perspiration of his fellow human beings

especially at the theater

or at the opera

quite appalling

QUEEN

I have never yet

called off an appearance

but all of a sudden

DOCTOR

Although this first time

you are lying

someday you might

possibly actually have

a fatal illness

The queen and the doctor laugh

FATHER

Being contradicted is something she cannot brook

She cannot brook being contradicted

DOCTOR

One must have strength

to call off

to break off something

that has become habitual

to call off an appearance onstage

or

QUEEN

Or

DOCTOR

Or in the middle of such an appearance

for example in the middle of the revenge aria

to stop singing

let one’s arms fall

ignore the orchestra

ignore the other actors

ignore the audience

ignore everybody

to stand there

and do nothing

and stare at everybody

stare at them do you understand

suddenly hold one’s tongue

The queen and the doctor laugh

at first to call off engagements formally

by telegram

but then

suddenly

quite suddenly

for example at the Metropolitan Opera

or at Covent Garden

during the most telling passage naturally

to unleash a scandal

derail a performance

to clap one’s hands

and hold one’s tongue

and exit the stage laughing

laughing

laughing do you understand

laughing

The queen and the doctor laugh

FATHER

My daughter is unique

she sings

the most complicated and the most beautiful

coloraturas in the world

she is justifiably famous

DOCTOR

But being famous doesn’t mean

that one can’t indulge oneself

in a prank every now and then

The queen and the doctor laugh

your daughter

is the most famous

she has

no peer

QUEEN

Suddenly

laughs

on the audience

laughs

no

looks at her father

not in front of him

in front of him no

DOCTOR

Why don’t you just

say what you want to say

Your father obviously

will accept

whatever you do

as we’re all after all

in a pretty mellow mood by now

QUEEN

In a mellow mood

calls out

Winter

Winter

enter Winter

what do you do

when you want to say something

and can’t say it

because it will hurt you

or at any rate someone

looks at her father

Winter

Winter is at a loss for a reply

To spit

in the audience’s face

loudly laughs

Winter

bring it now

you know

exit Winter

coloratura machine

coloratura machine

do you hear me doctor

coloratura machine

The doctor laughs

Consideration

when there is pretty much no occasion for it

none whatsoever

that is why I dream

that I always see myself

at the apex of my pinnacle

unleashing a scandal

it’s monstrous

but natural doctor

as perverse as can be

but as natural as can be

or suddenly

at my pinnacle

going insane

Parents are bearers of blame

not inspirers of confidence doctor

to be thrust by one’s parents

into a single monstrous

[never-ending] round of racketeering

When we have sacrificed ourselves

to our discipline doctor

totally sacrificed ourselves

The great artist at the pinnacle of her art

I know

What a staccato

what a staccato

FATHER

You should have seen

my daughter in Florence

The newspapers wrote

that with her every entrance

her art attained

a higher level of perfection

the highest demands

doctor

the highest demands imaginable

it is because of these that each and every one of us

must exert ourselves ever harder

to such an extraordinary extent Doctor

especially artists

who now must exert themselves

as they never used to have to

nowadays artists are

put to the test

more than ever before

in no case may any consideration

be shown

artists show no consideration

for the public

and the public likewise

shows no consideration for them

Anybody who has reached the finish line

is naturally

wretchedly unhappy

DOCTOR to the father

Because you see

nothing

or practically nothing

you hear all the better

my dear sir

a person who sees poorly

hears well

just as a person who hears poorly

in certain situations my dear sir

sees well

but good ears

can naturally never

take the place of bad eyes

or vice-versa

The queen laughs

If only you could see your daughter

she is lovely to behold

my dear sir

When one tries to keep

all these people

whom she loathes

at arm’s length from your daughter

the mass of humanity grows ever more disquieting

we have of course for the longest time

been walking in exclusively through back doors

we walk

we do not walk alone

everything we do is

under surveillance

only when we seek refuge in a private room

in the Three Hussars for example

and are behind locked doors

but we are always stared at my dear sir

you yourself notice this most terrible of all conditions

[though] possibly not with such clarity

we contrive to sneak out

but the audience always drags us back in

we catch our breath

and the audience mobs us

right into the nearest corner

Your daughter’s voice today

was more perfect than ever before

Listen up my dear sir

more than anything else we mustn’t

forget about the Brunetti chisel

the double rachiotom

to the queen

I promised your father

that I would continue my lecture

on postmortem dissection

at the Three Hussars

to the father

don’t forget about

the dural forceps

The queen coughs

More than anything else your daughter

must take care not to catch a cold

the human body

is always on the brink

of every illness

in constant fear

in mortal terror

the queen coughs

We wake up

and think

we are doomed

one pain

my dear sir

one painful movement

and we believe

we are at the end

to the father

it is a single step

enter Winter with a bottle of champagne

the desire

to be dead

whence the fear

in face of the end

Winter opens the bottle; a pop is heard

the present moment

is always the most propitious one

the present moment is

always propitious

Winter pours the champagne

Whether we are among actors

or singers

my dear sir

we are among schemers

it has been necessary

to shelter such a creature as your daughter

such an artistic creature

from the artistic world

The queen coughs

to Winter

What time is it anyway Winter

WINTER

Half-past one

DOCTOR

Half-past one

QUEEN

Half-past one

exit Winter

DOCTOR

Intensity

intellectual inconsideration

in every case

a lethal process

my dear sir

all drink their champagne

If we experience for a very long time

these conditions

and circumstances

and suddenly drop dead

FATHER

Drop dead

DOCTOR

We see a theatrical artist

we hear a trained voice

a coloratura soprano

my dear sir

on a dung heap

my dear sir

Culture is a dung heap

on which theatricality

and musicality

flourish

pours everybody champagne from the bottle

One can prolong this unnatural condition

that we call existence

or human nature

artificially

my dear sir

but of this there is no necessity

on the other hand I do intend to continue

my scientific work

to complete one of these days

the book that I have been working on

for the past twenty years

then without a doubt everything will unravel

your daughter’s existence

The queen coughs

is essential at a high level

to this work

that has monopolized me

to this twelve-volume opus

on the human body

my dear sir

most likely it is the existence of your daughter alone

that will allow me finally and ultimately to complete

this work that I had already abandoned

years before I met

your daughter

and you my dear sir

our mode of procedure is naturally

a dilettantish one

on the other hand everything falls to pieces

everything deteriorates

in your daughter’s orbit

the cause of greatest force

suffers no competitors

right now she is signing

as she has never before

sung

Hecticity

my dear sir

nothing but hecticity

along with the insanity

that is inextricable from this hecticity

Your attention please

my dear sir

one opens the pericardium

as one makes near the cardiac apex

a tiny incision

with forceps and intestinal scissors

or with the cerebral scalpel

an incision that one extends

my dear sir

along both sides

in a V-shaped pattern

One should note the contents

of the pericardial cavity

The queen coughs

Normally one finds

a small volume

of opaque liquid

in pathological cases one may find

a serous or purulent exudation

blood

or transudation

hydropericardia

my dear sir

In concretio one must dissect the heart

along with the adhering pericardium

One uses as a point of reference

its resemblance

to the right fist

And so to the cardiac incision

my dear sir

one grasps the anterior wall

of the right chamber

one draws the heart

slightly downwards

and thereby acquires

a straight line

Winter appears and remains in the background

The so-called Rokitansky incision

facilitates the opening

of the left ventricle

my dear sir

one grasps the

apex which is situated much farther to the front

between the third and fourth fingers

of the left hand

and proceeds with index finger and thumb

into the opening of the left ventricle

and draws the entire heart thus prepared

downwards

The aorta lies

immediately beneath the apex

in the septum

the Rokitanskian method of incision

has the advantage

of preserving the Aorta pulmonaris

but the Septum membranaceum is destroyed

along with the conductive system

The queen beckons Winter over.  Winter approaches behind her.  The queen whispers something in his ear.  Exit Winter.

As for the excision

of the tongue

and of the throat

one removes the block of wood

over which the neck

is being stretched

to begin with

using the cartilagial scalpel

one dissects the hypodermis

of the throat largely ad libitum

then using the lingual scalpel

one penetrates beneath the skin

FATHER

Penetrates beneath the skin

DOCTOR

One lays the scalpel flat against the skin

and guides it carefully

FATHER

Carefully

The queen coughs

DOCTOR

Forward into the median plane

until one runs into the lower jawbone

The queen coughs

Then one raises the scalpel

in one’s grip

and enters the oral cavity

with a clearly palpable jolt

my dear sir

and cuts through the floor of the oral cavity

along the horizontal

mandibular branch

it is a classic structure

my dear sir

The queen coughs

mark my words

a classic structure

FATHER

A classic structure

DOCTOR

One proceeds

in the same way on the other side

to the queen

Your father undoubtedly once had the makings

of an outstanding [medical] practitioner

many people suffer

all their lives

as a consequence of having

suddenly

been obliged to break off some vehemently embarked-on course of study

A good anatomist

needs to have a healthy physique

next one pulls the skin of the throat

inside-out and upwards

One grasps the tongue

with the second and fourth fingers

and pulls it with thumb and index finger

downwards

Enter Winter with a bottle of champagne

The pharyngeal structures are now connected

only to the rear wall of the pharynx

which must now be cut in half

To this end one applies the lingual scalpel

flat

identifies by sight

or touch

my dear sir

by touch

or by sight

the boundary between the hard

and soft palate

A pop is heard

thrusts through

and presses on all the way to the rear wall of the pharynx

The queen coughs.  Winter pours everyone champagne

Now one guides the incision

outwards in an arc

and all the way to the spinal column

then one cuts in half the Fascia praevertebralis

all the while keeping the edge of the scalpel perpendicular

to the spinal column

and making the dividing cut first to the left

then to the right

to Winter

Winter

it’s getting late

if you [open] another bottle for us

WINTER

[But] madam          

                                           

DOCTOR

Fine fine Winter

Exit Winter

While applying continuous pressure

to the tongue

through which one offloads the pharyngeal viscera

from the spinal column

FATHER

Offloads the pharyngeal viscera

from the spinal column

DOCTOR

Now using the intestinal scissors one cuts

paramedially

superlaterally

through the tonsillar ring

and enters the esophagus

in the median plane

in doing which one holds the scissors

at a slightly sloping angle

and first rotates them within

and cuts through the esophagus

in the median line

Now one can excise

all the pharyngeal organs

en bloc

In cases of lymphatic leukemia

the tonsils can be

extremely enlarged

to the queen

If your father

had not fallen ill

fallen ill

really much too young

and not also gone

almost totally blind

we would be dining now

with a real medical authority

FATHER

A real medical authority

DOCTOR

A head like the head

of your esteemed father

is at bottom

a thoroughly medical head

And you can see for yourself

how keen

his interest

in medicine is

even though he already knows everything

he is always in the mood

for a refresher course

a refresher course

in special procedures

in the field of medicine

Believe me

such unflagging interest

is unheard-of

among physicians

in them we encounter

nothing but arrogance

Before one

sets about dissecting the abdominal organs

one checks to see

whether or not less subtle changes

have taken place in the site of the abdominal organs

such as for example adhesions

between the liver and the intestines

The queen coughs

FATHER

Between the liver and the intestines

Enter Winter, who walks up to the small side-table on the right and turns off its lamp and vanishes

DOCTOR

Or between the gall-bladder

and the intestinal loops

but most important of all is the comportment of the great omentum

which in inflammatory processes

in the area of the stomach

of the intestines

of the gall-bladder

of the uterus et cetera

is warped in the direction of the process

a sure prognostic

violent distension of the stomach

in cases of arteriomesenterial intestinal stoppage

The queen coughs

a distension that can be so extreme

that the stomach extends all the way to the symphysis

A violent dilation of the large intestine

megacolon

Hirschsprung’s disease

my dear sir

Recessus duodeno jejunalis

Recessus intersigmoides

Recessus retrocoecalis

Recessus ileocoecalis

Recessus paracolicus et cetera

The queen coughs

FATHER

Recessus paracolicus

The queen coughs.  Enter Winter, who turns off the lamp on the side-table in the background and vanishes.  It is slowly getting dark

DOCTOR

On to the dissection of the liver

listen up please

my dear sir

normally the surface of the liver is

smooth

There may be

alterations of this surface texture

Zahnian grooves

Grooves caused by constriction

In cases of hepar lobatum one finds grooves

cicatrized inspirations

my dear sir

Postal package-shaped

caseous mucosities

tuberosity et cetera

of the liver

in the depths of the grooves

FATHER

Caseous mucosities

postal package-shaped

DOCTOR

Postal package shaped

caseous mucosities

grayish-red

in cases of parenchymatous degeneration

dark brown

in cases of senile atrophy

pale yellow in cases of fatty liver disease

green in cases of jaundice

nutmeg-esque in cases of congestion

For this procedure one takes the cerebral scalpel

and makes the principal incision

in other words one cuts in

at the place where the curvature of the liver is

most pronounced

on both the left

and the right lobes

The queen coughs

[taking care] however not to cut them apart

FATHER

Not to cut them apart

QUEEN adjusts her father’s armbands

These armbands

are a source of comfort

DOCTOR

Actually

the law forbids a person

who is not completely blind

to wear armbands on both arms

and your father is not completely blind

The queen coughs

FATHER

Not to cut them apart

DOCTOR

Not to cut them apart

The structure of the liver

is always attributable

to the fact that there is a discrepancy

between the center

and the periphery of the acinus

FATHER

How about that [other] dissection

DOCTOR

One spreads the legs of the corpse

my dear sir

takes up the cartilageal scalpel

gives a slight downward tug to the penis

with one’s left hand

thereby stretching taut the skin of the symphysis

FATHER

Stretching taut the skin of the symphysis

DOCTOR

And beginning at the extreme left

cuts downward

with one’s right hand

in an arc

my dear sir

all the way to the latitude of the rectum

and anus

and draws the penis and scrotum

aside to the left

The queen coughs

one makes the same incision

on the right side

with short sawing motions

cuts in two

the spongy cellular tissue

all the way to the free end of the symphysis

and there inserts the cartiageal scalpel

and cuts through in an arc

the connective tissue of the floor of the pelvis

Having reached the median line

one produces the same division

on the other side

not in a single incision

lest one damage

the urethra

which is near the symphysis

through the opening thus made

the penis

and scrotum are passed

[and] drawn upwards

and the two arc-shaped incisions

[are] united with a single diagonal incision

At this point the genitals are attached

only by the tissue of the promontory

my dear sir

from which they are [to be] detached

[a procedure whose] demonstration

requires the utmost circumspection

With regard to the stomach

one pulls down the entire small intestine

and Colon traversum

and initially contemplates the stomach

from the outside

QUEEN to her father

The doctor

is [famed as] an authority

throughout Europe

he is highly respected

his books

and his articles

have been translated

into all

[the European] languages

FATHER

The world always

expects something

extraordinary

from an authority

there is nothing more strenuous

than being an authority

DOCTOR

All my life

I have longed for a career

in the background

but by nature

I am not cut out for one

QUEEN

For the rest of the night

I shall be incapable of getting

my coloraturas

back out of my head

My dread of

and aversion to

everything

having to do with

grand opera

DOCTOR

[To think] that they are all invariably

either intellectual

or artistic

[and] make infamy

their theme

my dear sir

For a long time

we have managed

to shelter your daughter

to shield her

my dear sir

The queen coughs

from a smut-bespattered public

from its lethal

incompetence

The theater

and in particular the opera

is no place

for a natural human being

The queen yawns

When we reckon up

the feeblemindedness

that reigns supreme among this artistic breed

my dear sir

with the vulgarity

of the spectators

we arrive at a state of madness

The queen coughs

and of ignorance

my dear sir

we are too intelligent

The stage slowly darkens

[The doctor] turns to the father

but you

my dear sir

fail to notice this

because you have been perpetually

and for quite a long time now

an entire decade

I believe

or even longer

living

in the kind of darkness

that is now

descending

Such an existence

is without a doubt

a definitive one

Few are they who exist

with such intensity

Light

is a disaster

the stage is completely dark

Like on the public stage

my dear sir

thanks to which everything is

supremely insecure

The queen suddenly loudly crying out

Winter

Winter

Enter Winter, but he cannot be seen

The queen, after a pause

Did you send the telegrams

the telegrams to Stockholm

and Copenhagen

WINTER

Naturally, madam

DOCTOR

It’s good

that you sent the telegrams

that puts my mind at ease

I am content

I am quite content

QUEEN after a pause

Exhaustion

nothing but exhaustion

Glasses and bottles are overturned on to the table

The end

Translation unauthorized but Copyright ©2013 by Douglas Robertson

Source: Stücke 1 (Frankfurt: Suhrkamp, 1988)